Carpe Diem.

February 8, 2010 by Libby

In the midst of my beautiful {thinking positive!} routine days and sleepless nights I’ve had plenty of moments that are positively perfect.

It isn’t all about tackling mountains of laundry, dirty dishes galore and changing one more diaper.

When you need a break, a change of pace, it is heavenly to be surrounded by women who love you unconditionally, understand you, and are just plain fun to be around.

A weekend away with the girls in Seattle.  And baby William.

{With kuddos to the iphone for the photos…}

It’s become an annual trip.  Four aunts, one cousin {two if the flight schedule works}, my mom, and me.

There are rules.  You must be 21 {or nursing.}  Discussions are confidential.

We have themed wine glasses and coffee mugs.

Conversations are real, honest, and cover the generations of our family.

We constantly remark about how blessed we are.  Over and over.  {Truth always needs repeating.}

Sometimes just one break is all that I need to step back into the beautiful chaos of life.   Re-energized, and ready to seize the day, cover my boys in kisses and hugs and yes, tackle that mountain of laundry.

I am blessed.  Obviously.

And I knew.

February 5, 2010 by Libby

Charlie was born on August 30, 2007. Charles Andrew. 7 pounds 10 ounces, 19 inches. He came easily into this world. His eyes were open, taking everything in. His eyes also told us of our new journey as parents. There is no doubt in my mind that the Lord gave us this window. It was so clear to us the minute he was born that our new baby son had Down syndrome.

from “the beginning.”

I could tell the moment Charlie was laid on my chest.

I knew.

A birth story.  Honest.  True.  Beautiful.

A new mother walking a journey she didn’t expect.

Reading it brought forth a flood of raw emotion.

I didn’t realize I held those feelings so close to the surface.

I relive that day more frequently than most.

You do that when your life is changed forever.

I held my new baby.  I kissed him.  I loved him.

Alex and I could not, would not connect eyes.

He knew.

He was calm.  He made phone calls.  He was quiet.  It was the first and only time I have seen my husband cry.  He loved his new son.

We knew.

We were surrounded by family and friends that filled the room with beautiful laughter and tears.

When no one knew what to say their actions of love filled the void.

They knew.

We have two pictures of that day.  One of a family.  A mom and dad with eyes red and brimming with tears – trying to be brave and smile – a swaddled baby and a squirming toddler.  The second photo captures a pink and healthy baby boy.  Brand-new to the world.  He too is brave.

I wish we had taken more pictures.  But those early minutes and hours will forever be imprinted into my brain.

When I remember I’m not sad.  It was the day my son was born.

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I love it when new moms have the courage to share their birth story.  When their life opens up to welcome a new baby.  One with Down syndrome.  Each word of their story honest.

They share their fears.  Yet proclaim that beauty and love win the battle.

Her story is mine.  Mine is hers.  Each story connecting us.

Each story shared is a small victory.  One more curtain pulled down.

I rarely say this – but you MUST – Go.  Read.  Cry.  Share.

Nella Cordelia – A birth story.

I cried while eating my oatmeal.  My heart ached for this new mom starting her new story.

I smiled.

I remembered.

It was a beautiful way to start my day.

Pity party for one please.

February 2, 2010 by Libby

{I love peonies.  They make me long for spring, a season of renewal and fresh starts.}

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So there I am “wearing” the cranky kid.  With the my other cranky kid {the one who no longer naps} peaking over the counter.

I’m about to make dinner.  Alex isn’t home yet.

Henry is playing the drums, trying his best to match the beat put out by his singing fish.  Remember those singing fish mounted on a plaque?  You can find them on the store shelf in between the Snuggie and Chia Pet.

I’m grouchy.  My baby doesn’t sleep at night and cries all day.  My other son won’t nap.  Poor me.

The mom who used to see things through rose-colored glasses has left the building.

Day in and day out I give so much of myself to my family, making sure that their needs are met.

Yet the little voice in my head grows louder; “What about me?!”

I catch myself trying to do it all, yet eventually all of those balls that I’m juggling fall – that is if I don’t collapse first.   I don’t want to raise my children in a whirlwind of activity. Busy for the sake of busy. Because it’s what everyone else is doing.  But here I am.  Doing what is expected of me.

I’m stuck. Sometimes I think I’m going to scream if I have to do one more load of laundry, go to one more physical therapy session {we are up to four a week!}, get up yet again in the middle of the night with the baby, or clean up one more mess.  And let me tell you, I picked the wrong year to be the board president at Henry’s school.

The monotony grates on me.  This is unsettling.  I typically thrive in a routine of mundane tasks.  {Sounds thrilling doesn’t it?}  But often I find myself dragging.  Ready to host a pity party for myself.

I love being a mom.  For as long as I can remember I wanted to be a mom.

There is beauty in the simple routine of a mother.

What I didn’t realize was that hidden beneath the endless love, sticky hugs, giggles and breathtaking moments was the truth of just how darn hard it is to actually be a mom.

I ask for prayer.  My “selflessness” is really self-pity in disguise.

He responds.

His expectations are different from my expectations.

It’s worth repeating:  His expectations are different from my expectations.

Humbly I remember.  He sees me.  I am right where I’m supposed to be.

But it’s not about me.  Or my kids.

It’s about Him.

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We eat dinner while singing “The Farmer in the Dell” and “Jingle Bell Rock” and wrap up the evening with a bubble bath and stories.

The three kiddos are sound asleep and I’ve poured a glass of wine.

This is it.  My day.  My life.

I  can start fresh.  Again.  His grace abounds and never ceases to amaze.

So, what do you think? And finally some answers.

February 1, 2010 by Libby

After using the same blog header for well over a year I decided it was time for something new.  {Change is hard.} Charlie has grown and this blog has too.  I originally started writing to share then one year-old Charlie’s story, but it has evolved to become our family’s story.  Today I write about Charlie but I also write plenty about Henry and William, love, life and Jesus. {Though I’m afraid one day, these essays will later serve as proof of why mom is teetering on the edge of crazy.}

Ahem.  Back to the subject of change.  While I’d love to put up a new header every month featuring photos of my perfect children clearly that isn’t going to happen, it took me over 14 months to make this change.  Though I am teaching myself to use Photoshop in my “spare” time.  {It’s slow going but fun – I’m using my brain – it’s called learning!}  So who knows maybe I will end up changing things around weekly – just don’t quote me on that.

Check things out.  I’ve made a few subtle changes here and there.  Revamped the blogroll.  {We’ll get through this together mom.}  Added a photo and edited the “Who and why.” Apparently people like to know what the “who” looks like.  Unfortunately, the most recent photo of me without a camera in my face was taken the day William was born.  Not exactly what I had in mind.  So yes, at this point the only photos that prove my current existence {besides birthing my children} feature me posing in the kids bathroom – often alone, featuring a large belly or “wearing” a baby with a smiling kiddo off to the side.  {Hence the photo of me holding Charlie, while also five-months pregnant with William.}

What do you think?  Tell me – I want to hear your honest opinion – love it, like it, hate it.

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A bit of blogkeeping.

Lately I’ve received a few questions via the comments or by e-mail.  Since (A) I’m the WORST at responding to e-mails in a timely manner and (B) I figure that if a few of you asked, then others might just be wondering too.  So, I’ve decided to kill two birds with one stone.  Or something like that.

Is this now a cooking blog?

No Dad, it’s not.  I’m just sharing some of the recipe’s and food that have been a hit with our family.  Some people scrapbook, craft or have a hobby that keeps them sane.  I’m discovering that spending a few hours in the kitchen not only keeps me sane – it gives me an opportunity to tell my family {and neighbors if I make too much} how much I love them.  But thanks for the reminder – I made a killer pizza the other night.  {Pepperoni, feta, peperoncici’s and Trader Joe’s whole wheat crust – oh my!}

Where did that darling play kitchen come from?

Santa.  But I’m pretty sure that he shops at Garnet Hill.  He also picked up the accessories there too.  {Of course they were only selling the kitchen for Christmas, but I found it at Oompa toys for the same price.  The accessories are available at amazon.} My sister in-law coordinated with Santa and bought Mimi the Sardine {that name just makes me smile} aprons along with a few sandwich and breakfast food items for our little chefs.

Are you supposed to use real mustard {like French’s} in the meatloaf recipe or dried mustard?

I’ve used the real stuff, mainly because I didn’t have the dried mustard on hand.  However, I asked my Grandmama last night and she said that the original recipe calls for dried mustard.  I just need to remember to put that on my grocery list…

Are you still giving away copies of Gifts and Road Map to Holland?

Yes!  We are still mailing out copies to families who have received a prenatal diagnosis or diagnosis of Down syndrome at their child’s birth.  Please continue to spread the word.  If you would like more information about the books, or why I’m giving them away, you can read more about “Sharing our Blessings” here.

Has William calmed down?

Maybe.  Kind of.  Well, really only when we are around other people.  However, I have taken the advice of a friend and reviewed some of the things I eat.  Perhaps homemade pizza with pepperoni, peperoncici’s and feta were indeed bothering the wee one.  {Go figure.}  Or the loads of broccoli we have all been eating now that Alex is on his “healthy” kick.  So yes, I’ve made adjustments to my diet and even {gasp!} wheeled his little bed to the other side of our room.  We have both survived this separation and have even enjoyed occasional 2-3 hour stretches of uninterrupted sleep.

Can I subscribe you your blog?

Yes, and as a subscriber you will be notified via e-mail when there is a new post.  You can subscribe through feedburner (look on the right column) or using the new wordpress subscription feature – it notifies you within minutes when a new post is up.  I know that some have had trouble with feedburner so I added another option.  I’d love to know which you prefer.

Do you get paid by the word?

Ha.  You must be referring to my love and frequent use of {many} words.  If you must know I am trying to tighten up my writing.  To use the “less is more technique.”  We’ll see how that goes.  As for getting paid, that would be a “no” as well.  I’ve intentionally not included advertising on this blog. This is where I share the story of my family.  Our lives.  It’s personal.  If I ever have the good fortune to get paid for my writing I will utilize other venues.

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Clippings

January 30, 2010 by Libby

When I heard that our regional NPR station was running a story on Down syndrome my interest was peaked.  The guest lineup was intriguing; a geneticist, the Director of the Center for Children with Special Needs at Children’s Hospital in Seattle, the parent of an infant with Down syndrome, and an adult with Down syndrome.

It’s rare to come across a story about Down syndrome in the mainstream media – especially one without an agenda.  I highly recommend listening to this story if you want to: A) learn more about Down syndrome, B) know someone with Down syndrome or are C) just plain curious.  The story does a great job of explaining the nuances of Down syndrome; how it occurs and its effects.  It also explains prenatal testing – diagnostic vs. screening – and the impact of testing.  They also discuss early intervention programs – how they have advanced in recent years and the great impact these services have had on the quality of life for people with Down syndrome.  And rounding things out, the conversation includes a family perspective – what life is like raising a child with Down syndrome.

Listen to the MP3 version of the story on Down syndrome here. Or go directly to the KNPR website for other listening options.

Willy Billy Goat

January 28, 2010 by Libby

Yes, that’s your nickname.  “Willybillygoat!, Willybillygoat!” Your big brother Henry affectionately blessed you with this new name when you were only weeks old.  What can I say, your newborn cry sounded just like a baby goat.  I wish we recorded it as proof.  Anyhow, Willy Billy Goat stuck.  I’m sorry.

You are almost five months old, so naturally you just had your four-month check-up.  Sweet peanut!  You are 24 1/2 inches long {17 %} and weigh in at 13 lb 8 ounces!  {11 %}  Even your noggin is petite – 41 1/2 {18%}  – this is especially notable as you come from a family of big noggins.  You are positively perfect.

Our doctor asked about tummy-time.  I mumbled something about you “sleepingonyourtummy.” Emphasis on sleep.  This is how I know that you can roll from your tummy to back, though I have yet to see it.    And you sit!  {Well, you tri-pod.}  Your head control is amazing, and as Henry can confirm you almost get into the crawling position.  But let’s not start that anytime soon OK?

You still nurse like a champ, and I don’t think either one of us is ready to try solids.  We still have a few things to figure out – this whole sharing a room thing is more challenging than we thought it would be.  No matter you are unfazed and happily sleep in the office.  Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you aren’t willing to be flexible.

While waiting to see the doctor I read an article about a “high-needs” baby.  The sort of baby that needs your full and focused attention all. the. time.  I think Dr. Sears was writing about you sweet boy.  I often joke that you didn’t get the memo that you are the third baby in our family, and instead think you are the first-born.  We are figuring things out.  I don’t mind the extra snuggle time and can’t seem to get enough of your smiles and coos.  We are making discoveries together.  You have discovered your hands and that they hold things {primarily Sophie the giraffe!}  I have discovered that the house is still standing even if the dishes aren’t done right away.

You are teaching me to be patient and flexible too.  Thank you.  I love you my sweet Willybillygoat.


The cheese stands alone.

January 26, 2010 by Libby

“…the cheese stands alone, the cheese stands alone…” {As in: “hi-ho-the dairy-o.”  The farmer picks a wife, the wife picks a child…the cheese stands alone.“}

It’s Henry’s {new} favorite song.  They just learned it at school.  I can remember singing that song in preschool too.

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Me: “Henry, what do you want for lunch today?”

Henry: “An egg salad sandwich, peaches and a pickle.”  {His favorite lunch ever.  Seriously.}

Me: “How about a grilled cheese sandwich?”

Henry: “I don’t like grilled cheese sandwiches!”

Me: “I’ve never met a little boy who didn’t like grilled cheese sandwiches.”

Henry: “Well, I’ve never met a mom who liked grilled cheese sandwiches so much!”

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These photos of my handsome boy were taken at my cousin’s wedding.  I love them, but during the new baby chaos they were never posted{I went into labor the day after the wedding.}  Today seemed as good a time as ever.

Hello obvious, nice to meet you.

January 22, 2010 by Libby

Look at those tired eyes.  Poor kid isn’t napping because he is teething – for the first time in over a year.  Hello obvious.  The soaking, drool covered shirts finally tipped me off.  I’m observant like that.

I’d pretty much decided that he was only going to have four teeth {top and bottom} in the front and four molars {one in each corner} in the back.  I’ve read plenty that says kiddos with Down syndrome have their teeth come in on a different schedule so I hadn’t thought much of it.

Bonus points for Aunt Corey!  {Who has also loaned me a copy of the “No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers.” And no, there isn’t a “No-Cry Sleep Solution for Parents.”  I looked.}

Mystery solved.  Hopefully those teeth will finally make their appearance and we can get back to napping.