I’ve lost my groove. It’s been a seven-month funk. Nothing like the winter blahs coupled with a dose of postpartum depression to make you feel awesome.
I know that this won’t last forever but when you’re in the thick of it you can’t help but feel stuck. For me this doesn’t translate into days or weeks of doom. More like intense moments of panic or anxiety. Think Chicken Little. The day is going smoothly and then bam! The sky is falling.
There’s no doubt that being a mom is simultaneously the hardest, most wonderful, enlightening, terrifying, stressful, joyful thing I have ever done. But right now there are days when I wake up racked with anxiety, because there are four little people I’m responsible for. And Alex and I have the daunting task of molding them into decent, kind, good human beings while also letting them blossom into who God designed them to be. Meanwhile I can’t seem to get the baby to take a nap, keep the three boys from fighting or convince them that the potty talk needs to stop. I’m sure the sleep deprivation isn’t helping but I also think these struggles are a daily {hourly? minute by minute?} reminder of my own short-comings. And lately I’ve never been so aware of my own shortcomings {there are many}.
I know that we will work through all of this. I know that Caroline will someday take a bottle. Or a sippy cup. Or she will just be very thirsty. And then I will have something new to worry about. But in the meantime it does feel good to at least admit that yeah, this stage right now, it’s hard.
Blessings and Glory 
I was encouraging a friend last night who has faced a lot of adversity over the last couple years. Suddenly it hit me like a bolt of lightning how when the Native Americans were looking for medicinal herbs they would pass by the ones growing by their Tee Pee to hike to the top of a mountain and get their herbs from the harshest, most adverse environment because they were the most beneficial and potent. So it is with us. There is a reason for adversity in our lives. John Newton, the Author of Amazing Grace said; “Trials are medicines that our Great and wise Physician prescribes…because we NEED them. And He regulates the frequency and weight of them as to what the situation requires.”
Hang in there Libby, it is a marathon which 9 months of pregnancy doesn’t prepare you for. You have a lot on your plate! We all feel like we are the worst moms when our children behave not as we want them to, but don’t take it personally! They are making choices minute by minute and you have to make a choice in your head not to take it personally, potty talk and fighting are what boys do, not a reflection of your mothering. I have never met you but by reading your blog I can see what a wonderful mother you are, and how kind your heart is. As a practical suggestion I would recommend stress relievers that don’t require time such as these natural remedies:
http://www.bachflower.com/ (I am not selling anything nor do I work for them- these have helped me when I don’t have time to take a break)
You are going to be fine, and have patience, this too will pass….
That is quite possibly the bravest thing you could say. I love you guys. Hopefully, now that I’m on the mend I can also lend a hand.
Thanks Corey. :)
I think you’re amazing, and so does God. Love you.
Ditto what Jess said :)
You guys are the best!
aaahh, Lib. You are amazing! Every bit of you! It is so good that you are honest and open. I love that about you. I was reading through my collection of quotes today and went back to this because after reading your post it made me think of you: “From an honest understanding of your wounds, and a heart of forgiveness, will come your greatest voice.” Donald Miller I think these wise words describe you. Your voice, Libby, is pure, true, and brave. Your honest reflections/words are a comfort to others, helping them to know they are not alone in their troubles. 2Corinthians 1:3-4. So grateful for you! Love you so much and praying for you! xoxo
You are such an encouragement MB! Thank you and love you!
Overstimulated- that’s what I feel like after adding that fourth little one. Granted she’s actually our sixth, but the four little ones; nursing, fighting, squirming, chatting, bumping, crying…all of it gets to be a bit much. Add in the occasional teenager crisis like “I need you to sign the form right now or I can’t register for classes or I just got my car stuck in the snow in the driveway” and it can really feel like life is A LOT out of control.
Take a deep breath and deal with the next thing. You’re not alone.
And enjoy this clip from Jim Gaffigan. I love this quote, “Having four kids feels like…you’re drowning…and somebody hands you a baby.” Exactly!
Thank you for sharing this! It’s nice to know that while in the thick of this motherhood thing, we are not alone in our struggles! :)
Oops! Forgot to leave the link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GEbZrY0G9PI