Before every meal and at bedtime we have established a routine of saying our *thankfuls.* It is a little bit of goodness that has easily become a favorite part of our day.
William is always the first to rattle off his list, Charlie a close second, Henry waits patiently. I am so thankful for this glimpse into our youngest child’s heart, because if I’m being honest William can be extremely exhausting and certainly keeps me humble. Just when I think I have him figured out, I make one wrong move and everything is despair and heartbreak. When he is happy, he’s the most fun kiddo around, but when he’s not, he’s really not.
Anyway, this month we’ve tried to focus even more on giving thanks for all of our blessings – big and little. Giving thanks for good health, happy memories and even challenges. For our family and friends. For all of the time we enjoy together.
My thankfuls have been simple for our mealtime and bedtime routine, but there is so much my heart longs to give thanks for. More often than not I find myself thankful for the silly stuff. That my little guys are homebodies just like their mother. Because being at home with my children is such a blessing to me. It is far from easy, but I am thankful for this time in my life.
I’m continually giving thanks for patience. Not always for me, but for a very patient God. For the longest time, I’ve tried to do this thing or that thing, you know, all the stuff all the real *godly* people seem to be doing. I worry that I don’t read the bible enough and worry that my prayers aren’t quite right. Truth is, I watch the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, can be quick to judge and swear more than I probably should. I worry that my little mustard seed of faith is not enough. And yet the truth is I’ve felt more alive and far more sure of things in the last few weeks than I ever have. I’m more aware than ever of my un-holiness, yet my faith is somehow stronger. Even in the midst of uncertainty.
In this season of giving thanks, my prayers have been for God to work a miracle through me, to meet me in my weakness. That the Lord would give me the peace, calm and clarity that I so desperately needed.
I am so needy for His guidance and strength. My heart begs for the energy, heart and spirit to be the mother our three little boys need. I have learned through much trial and mostly error that I alone am not enough.
We are so blessed, even as we are stretched and tired. Yet this much I know, those moments in time when we are worn thin are sacred. When we come to the end of ourselves, we begin to understand the strength of our Savior.
I pray that my actions, not just my words show my husband a wife, and my children a mother who lives out a life surrendered so that they may clearly see His face, in this and many seasons to come.