For the last month or so, I’ve been attending a weekly bible study. We are so fortunate to have such wonderful study leaders in our church and encouraging women who attend. I used to be a regular, but hadn’t been able to attend for the last year and half due to scheduling conflicts and life in general.
Boy have I been thirsty.
I have eagerly attended each study, soaking up the teachings, dutifully doing my homework and enjoying each minute of small group time, getting to know and support each other.
And yet…I’ve been struggling. Still thirsty. Questioning myself.
Am I really hearing from Him? That’s probably just my own little voice chit-chatting away in my brain. That darn voice is yapping away all day and night, He can’t get a word in edgewise.
Yet I still seek Him. I’m trying to quiet that voice of self-talk and to instead listen to what He has to say. In the meantime I get discouraged. And frustrated. I’m trying here! I doubt myself. I fall short. It’s like I can’t seem to get *it* from my head into my heart.
Where are you Lord?
I know He is here. He speaks, but in all my busy-ness do I listen?
I’m stubborn. And for some reason I still cling to parts of this world, expectations of others, obligations, you get the idea.
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2
I’ve welcomed Jesus into my life, yet I’ve remained seated on the throne, turning to Him for guidance and wisdom when its convenient.
A self-centered life is not one of peace, trust, empowerment, obedience and love. Oh no, when I’m focused on myself I’m instead filled with worry, doubt, frustration and discouragement. It isn’t until I step down and let Jesus take his rightful seat on the throne that I will truly experience the abundant fruits of His spirit; an overflowing of His goodness and grace pouring out through me.
Humbly I step down.
This is my prayer.