A pep-talk of sorts.

When all else fails and I need a bit of a pick-me-up I buy silly things like fancy hand soap for the kitchen.  A cute little plant.  Or a fresh-smelling candle.  Sometimes I even pour myself a glass of wine {and add ice cubes because I never remember to keep a bottle chilled.}  And it goes without saying that I bake cookies.  Tell me I’m not the only one who does this, it will make Alex feel much better.  I remind him there are worse vices than $7 hand soap and a love of cookies.

These simple things do add some sunshine to my day, but in the end they are just things.  Temporary fixes.

Any-who, over the weekend I was swayed into a Dr. Google trance looking-up the variety of symptoms that ail me and will not go away.  According to Dr. Google things aren’t looking good.  According to my mom she is going to cancel my internet.

I’m not always a sunny optimist, but I’m pretty darn good at finding the joy in the simple beauty of this life.  And yet today I struggle.  I don’t want to be cryptic, dropping hints, but really I don’t know much.

I could write a whole series of posts on the irony of this subject – me kicking and screaming and praying for healing when I typically preach the topics of acceptance, disability, etc.  Yet today sentences about struggling and clinging to faith in the midst of fear, these words tumble out.

All this gets me to thinking about prayers, unanswered prayers, His timing {not ours}, fear and faith.  I’ll be honest, I don’t believe that my life is difficult, yet I’ve had my fair share of disappointment and challenges.  Maybe life is intense because of the stage we’re in.  Maybe it’s because I seemingly sailed through the first few decades of my life without experiencing even a hint of disappointment or heartache.

Maybe its just life.

Yet I know there is good that can come from the challenges life throws at us.  I’ve learned this lesson repeatedly.  In our family we tease and liken though times to *character building.*

I’m a character all right.

Logic would say slow down, give yourself a rest.  There’s no need to run multiple marathons in one summer.  {This is hypothetical, you know that right?}  Must I take the three kids and dog on a walk, get out the wading pool, weed the gardens, take the kids to the big pool, go to the grocery store, make dinner and then toss in a movie night for fun?  Do I really need to do all of this in one day?  My response is yes.  As my logic would go, it’s a sort of slap in the face to what ails me.  In a you can’t slow me down sort of way.  The other piece of logic goes something like, well, if this *thing* is going to hang around look at all that you are still able to do.  We’re still having fun, soaking up this sweet little life of ours.

Now you think I’m crazy.

So I get all of this in theory.  There is good to be found in adversity, blah, blah, blah.  But what about those times when you are smack dab in the middle of a trial and you can’t find the good?  Or the purpose.  Or the point.  When you pray and reach out and seek Him but still feel alone?

And so I wonder:  During the disconnect, in the midst of the struggle, what are we supposed to do?

Again, perhaps this is just life in a broken world.  Maybe we just feel the brokenness more when we realize we aren’t whole.  After all, this world tells us many lies about who we are and it’s up to us to persevere, to remind ourselves of our true identity – even when we’re lost.

Joy begets joy just as fear begets fear.

I’ll step away from the mirror now, my little pep-talk complete.

Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

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Although it might seem silly to share so much of my journey as a Christian I really do believe that we can learn much from one another.  Of course we will all make our own mistakes along the way, but this journey is so much better when we help guide one another, walking together, closer to Him.

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4 thoughts on “A pep-talk of sorts.

  1. You know, I have to say I don’t know what the specifics are in your challenge, but you have been inspirational to me for some time now, and even in this post I feel “lifted up.” So, I hope my small words will help you feel less alone in your struggle. And that your pursuit of getting the most of every day is noble and supported. I certainly have no insight as to why things happen, or why things happen when/how they do, but you have once again reminded me of the beauty of every day we are blessed to awaken to, and the unbounded love and joy of family. Take care. Oh and $7 for a glimmer of happiness is $7 well spent! I spent $50 on couch pillows for my old skanky sofa, and every time I sit there or see them (many times daily) I smile and overlook the horror that is my old couch. That’s money well spent. — Reid (of the Bunnies)

  2. I think we’re very similar. Cute little liquid hand soaps, flowers, or even a new herb plant will make my day. And I always want to bake cookies when I’m not feeling good or whenever I can make up a good excuse. Who can’t be made happy with butter and sugar, with some chocolate thrown in? Hang in there!

  3. Oh my dear friend…my heart aches for your discomfort and fear. The only words of encouragement that come to mind are the wise words of Ann Lammott, ‘my two prayers that sustain me, help me, help me, help me and thank you, thank you, thank you.’ I know you’re saying both all the time. Peace is just around the corner.

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