“Normal.”

“It looks like this is a perfectly normal and healthy pregnancy.”

My OB shared these words with me Wednesday at my first “normal” prenatal visit in a long time.  Urine test, check.  Step on the scale, check.  Blood pressure, check.  Listen to my son’s heartbeat, check.  I was out of there in fifteen minutes flat with a huge smile on my face.  Thank you Lord.

Why the sudden change?  How were we able to find out the sex of the baby at only sixteen weeks?  And what about all of those odds and statistics that had become so all-consuming?

A week ago today I had an amnio.

We received the FISH results on Monday.  Everything looks good chromosome wise.  And it’s a boy.

How did I go from my “no prenatal testing” stance to suddenly having an amnio?  Well for one thing it wasn’t sudden.  The last eight weeks have been long.  They have been full of prayers, tears, worries, thoughtful discussions, and finally the peace that comes with a decision.

Let me be clear.  The results of the amnio, or any other test wouldn’t have changed the outcome of this pregnancy.  But I was certain that I wasn’t up to any delivery room surprises this time around.  Thus, kicking off the big debate of “is my need to know, worth the risk of an amnio?”

Why didn’t I start with the “safer” and non-invasive prenatal screening options that are available?  Yes, there is an early ultrasound offered between 10-12 weeks looking at the nuchal fold (the neck of the baby, screening for Down syndrome.)  Or I could have opted for the blood work that provides an odds and risk assessment for Down syndrome.  Another option was to wait until my 20-week ultrasound and see if anything major popped up.  While the nuchal fold screening is fairly accurate, it is still a screening tool.  It provides a “best guess” when coupled with the mother’s age, and blood work.  Further into this process (and after meeting with our genetic counselor and OB on the subject) I learned that because I would have to “check” the box stating that I have previously had a child with Down syndrome, any lab that assessed my blood work or other screenings would immediately flag me – putting me into the “high-risk” category with 1 in 100 odds – no matter my age, the results of my blood work, or screening.  No, it’s not logical, but it’s the way things work in our “cover your hiney” health care industry.  I guess I have some lawyers to thank for that one.

So why go through all that knowing that my results would come back flagged as “high risk?”  And as my OB stated, ultrasounds and screenings can miss things.  He was preaching to the choir.  The amnio was the only way to know.

I have been outspoken about prenatal testing.  And I still believe rightfully so – the statistics are clear.  A large majority of those who test and/or screen and end up with “positive” results, be it Down syndrome or any other chromosomal, genetic, or anatomy issue terminate their pregnancies.  I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.  The facts show that 9 out of 10 women who receive a prenatal diagnosis of Down syndrome terminate.  Why was I subjecting myself to a system that supported such a practice?

Was I suddenly drinking the kool aid?

Nope.  I found myself in the minority camp – the small percentage of women who test because the want to be better prepared for what my lie ahead.  I can assure you that there were many prayers said about this subject (and they weren’t just offered up by me.)  I kept returning to the same conclusion – I was going into this with the right heart.  This was our baby.  I’ll admit that I had a bit of an advantage over other pregnant mom’s who enter into this maze of screening and testing – I had already navigated those treacherous waters.  I was absolute – this was our baby.  We already knew what could possibly lay ahead of us.  Down syndrome wasn’t a scary unknown – the not knowing was the scary part.  I made sure that my OB was on the same page.  And I made my opinion very clear to the genetic counselor.  We were simply gathering information about our baby – this process was not about making any “decisions.”

The amnio itself went well.  It was a bit complicated, as my placenta was right across the front of my belly limiting the area where the perinatologist (a patient and kind woman) could actually insert the needle.  She finally settled on a small pocket of fluid right next to the baby’s head. (They prefer to insert the needle near arms or legs, avoiding important things like heads…) I watched the entire procedure on the ultrasound screen.  I think I held my breath the whole time willing the baby to not move near the needle that had entered his watery home  (he didn’t.)  Truthfully, I was actually more intimidated by the ultrasound before the amnio.  “What are you measuring?”  “Why?”  “Does everything look OK?”  Our ultrasound tech was great – she remembered us from my pregnancy with Charlie (and all those ultrasounds.)  Once the proper amount of amniotic fluid had been collected, I left the hospital with Alex and a band-aid on my belly covering where the needle had been inserted.  It was all a bit surreal.

The FISH results came back Monday afternoon and everything looks good chromosome wise…and it’s a boy (for sure!)  (FISH is an acronym for the preliminary amnio results.  We won’t get the full results back until next week (it takes 10-14 days for the full results) but the “trisomies” 13, 18 and 21 – the things we were concerned about were confirmed by the early results.)

Over the Easter weekend I kept to myself as I was supposed to rest.  (Thank you to Poppy and Birdie, who gave me 24 kid-free hours to relax!)  I was surprised at how crampy I felt afterwards, though my OB assured me that is a totally normal reaction, especially since there haven’t been any other issues.

Obviously this was a big event in my life.  While I don’t want to think that it was all-consuming, I will admit I’ve been a bit distracted the last few months.  I like to think I worked through this process in a nice and thoughtful manner, yet I can assure you that it crept into all aspects of my life.  My marriage, how I mothered my children, bonded with my baby, and how I reacted and participated in life events as a sister, daughter, friend, and volunteer.  And no, I never wrote openly about it, nor had I come out and told “everyone” about this process or the end result.  I knew that I needed to process this on my own.  To talk it over with a few trusted people.  And to remain in a constant dialogue with the Lord.  I didn’t want any other static (or opinions) to get in the way.

I’ll admit that previously, I might have thought that prenatal testing (and all that falls under that wide umbrella) was “the devil.”  (And yes, I do believe he exists, and is thriving.)  I’ve come to the conclusion that no, prenatal testing isn’t the devil.  Perhaps instead, the devil is in the details.  In the way that we are presented results and how we process the information we are given.  It all comes down to what we do with the results.  The lies that we buy into, thinking that only a “healthy” and “normal” baby will bring happiness.  That we shouldn’t have to settle for anything else.  Sort of sounds like plain ol’ life doesn’t it?  How will I choose to handle each moment as it is presented to me?  How will you?

I’m at peace with our decision.  Clearly the news was good, but either way we have been given an opportunity to learn more about our son and how to better prepare for him.  For now I’m praising our Lord for His mercy and basking in His grace.  Thanking Him for the gift of my three son’s – each one unique.

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8 thoughts on ““Normal.”

  1. That is great news! I also have 3 sons. It is very exciting to have 3 of the same sex! I totally understand your wanting the amnio. I think I would have done the same. I also feel as you do. I would only want to be prepared and the outcome wouldn’t change anything. I’m sure having the “surprise” in the delivery room was pretty traumatic. I’m happy for you and your family that you can relax and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy without any worry. Katie

  2. And at peace you should be. Again, congratulations on this your third son. Like the first two, I am sure he will be perfect for your family.

    I remember well the amnio process following a screening that suggested my own son had Trisomy 18… I wish I’d had the opportunity to weigh my options and pray before racing into a test demanded by my doctor. We had one of those “false positives” you speak of in the blood screenings.

    Praying that you have a blessed, special pregnancy.

  3. I was in your shoes as we were prenatally diagnosed…I DID have the amnio too…I wanted to be prepared if my 1:22 chance that was given to me in my blood test was ME being the 1! I had no intention on terminating and it is so sad that 9 out of 10 do…I so wish our stories were out there in a book at the obstetricians offices…when you are prenatally diagnosed it is such a lonely feeling…you really feel like you are the only ones going through this…but I strongly believe in our God and know that he was choosing my husband and I to be Brayden’s parents for a reason…

    So happy you can relax a little and just focus on having a healthy pregnancy…

  4. Sweet friend, Congratulations on your third son! What exciting news for your family. He is so blessed to be joining your family.
    I read this post with great interest – because even though I’m not expecting baby #2 yet, I think about what the emotional part of my next pregnancy will be like a lot. My perspective will be so different – and I’m so curious about how that will play out in my decisions and experience.
    I am so comforted to know that as you contemplated and prayed, that you listened to and followed your heart. Keep telling your story, Libby. It’s a beautiful one.

  5. I also have a ‘rule’ about minimal prenatal testing. But I would change that rule in a heartbeat if I thought it was the right thing to do. Clearly, it wasn’t a rash decision or spur of the moment. I really admire how thoroughly you thought everything through. Sometimes, for whatever reason(s), you just need to know. Now.
    I’m glad you went through with it, I’m sure it was difficult. I’m happy to hear the results and even happier to hear it’s another sweet boy. I happen to love boys (having three of them myself!).

  6. A Boy!!! That’s awesome! I too would have done the amino for peace of mind only. The shock in the delivery room is too much to bear twice. At the end of the day, these are personal decisions that between you, your husband and God. I have no doubt you have true peace with this decision ~ just as it should be. Thought of any names yet?

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