When life tempts me how do I perform? How do I respond to pressure in my life? Am I simply studying to pass the “test?” Or are am I taking the time to learn the material, to accumulate true knowledge? These were just some of the questions that were discussed at bible study this morning. And boy were they relevant.
Yesterday Henry had an appointment to check his hearing. (Remember my prayer request a few weeks back?) Well praise the Lord, he passed all three tests with flying colors. His hearing falls right in the middle of the “perfectly normal” category. Thank you for each and every prayer that was said for our family.
When I made my petition for prayers I didn’t want to disclose too much. I wanted to protect Henry’s privacy, but upon further inspection I suppose I wanted to protect myself as well.
This hearing test was also a sort of “mothering” test.
In many ways I had studied enough to pass this test, but what if I failed at the practical application? Of course I was worried about my son’s hearing (though honestly not too much – his vocabulary is off the charts, he’s a “loud” talker, and I was certain that all he suffered from was selective hearing.)
When he failed his first screening (the reason for the “official” screening yesterday) I was surprisingly calm. (After a good cry of course – I am a mom after all.) No biggie, I reasoned, if he has hearing issues we can always get some hearing aids and we’ll be back in business. After all, Henry seems to excel in everything he does, so if he did indeed have a problem, just imagine where he would be once he could hear well.
I realized that this didn’t fall into the “big deal” end of the spectrum. Clearly I’d come a long way in just a little over a year. Had this taken place before Charlie was born I can assure you that I would have been convinced that the sky was falling. Right. Over. Me.
But if I’m going to put it all out there, the question of Henry’s hearing was really more of a blemish for me. I can look you in the face and tell you that the Lord sees me as perfect. And you too. Every one of us. Yet the enemy is quite clever. He doesn’t want us to believe in such perfect love. That’s when he slips in some doubt. He knows our weaknesses. Mine was somewhere along the lines of “what kind of mother has a child with hearing issues and another with Down syndrome?” The world doesn’t look fondly on that mother. And to someone who’s primary goal in life was reaching “motherhood” and still hopes to welcome more children into our family it was a devastating thought.
I wasn’t going to have any of it. I had studied for this test for the last sixteen months. I lived the material. And eventually I began to teach it to others. This time fear did not dominate. My maternal instincts to “take over” and control the situation didn’t materialize. Instead of embracing my weaknesses I immediately gave it all over to Him. There was no worry. Plenty of prayer. And an abundance of peace.